My Life as Mommy: Dear Papa

Dear Papa,

I miss you so much.

So, so much.

I wish I could give you a big hug.

How's it going up there? Is it as amazing as we've all been told?

Do you watch football all day? Maybe play some racquetball?

How awesome was it to see all of our family and friends that have passed away?

Did you hug your mom, dad, and sisters?

Hold Matthew?

Joke with Glennys?

Do you miss us as much as we miss you?

You've been gone for almost two years now.

Two years on September 4th.

I think of that day often. What an awful day. Driving to the hospital, I knew something had happened but wasn't quite prepared for the reality that you were gone forever. We bawled and hugged, and then we went to see you. You were lying there, and you only looked asleep except for you weren't breathing anymore. We could see the indentations in your face from where they had given you oxygen. You were still warm. We held you and we kissed you and we prayed together. I knew those were moments I would never forget, but I don't think I realized how much I would cherish them.

It was really our last time with you alone.

It's much easier now.

The first year your absence was ever-present and all-encompassing.

Every part of your house reminded me of you.

Your chair - it was worn where you had sat in it so many times.

Your bedside table - littered with your belongings.

The bathroom - where much of your medicines were scattered.

The Nebraska room - need I say more?

Your car - receipts from the last time you had filled up with gas and your sunglasses still inside.

We really are doing much better. We talk about you with much fondness and we still miss you everyday.

Grammy is doing well. I think she gets lonely in that big house, in fact I know she does. But we keep her company, and I think she is happy.

Over the last four months you have gained three new great-grandkids.

I wish so much you could've met them.

On April 11th I had another girl named Parker Nicole. Yep, Haven's a big sister. I can't imagine you loving anybody as much as you loved Haven, but I know you had enough love in your heart to go around.

On July 1st, Chelsea had her first baby. A boy named Carter Richard. Can you believe somebody from our family had a boy?! He's very sweet and has lots of black hair.

And just a couple days ago on August 11th, Megan and Joey had a baby girl named Harper Grace.

You would've loved them all so much.

We are so sad you missed out on them, but we will tell them all about what a wonderful great-grandpa they had.

Papa, you were my hero. I told you that once before, but you really were.

I think of you often and I miss you everyday.

I can't wait to see you again.

Love, Court